Tickle Me Harvey
By Harvey Kart
My grandkids and I have this game we play where they ask me what I have in my pocket. When I pull out my empty hand, I tell them it's a "tickle." Then I proceed to tickle the two of them, Mackenzie and Karter, who squeal with uncontrollable laughter, the kind these days we only hear from little children.
When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? Unfortunately, more of us today are just crying over economic uncertainty, job loss, or a host of other troubles.
My sister Susan called me last month to tell me that my publisher's note was too dark, too negative, too depressing. I had to think for a minute about the topic-a general rant about what is going on in our nation and in our industry-because many of my publisher's notes in recent months have taken a darker tone. Hey, I call 'em as I see 'em, and lately I haven't seen much to be upbeat about.
But maybe I haven't been looking in the right places. Certainly, playing "Tickle Me Elmo" with the grandkids brought a smile to my face. And to my heart.
Sitting at my desk, I wondered if there might be other places to look. There, among the paraphernalia I've collected over the years were two books from Ron Cichowicz, a friend and sometimes contributor to Hospital News: "I'm Not Over the Hill, I'm Simply Too Old to Climb It" and "I'm Still Not Over the Hill Yet … It's Just That My Age Keeps Climbing." (Both of which, Ron informs me, are still available through the publisher, Great Quotations, Inc. Their Web site is www.greatquotationsinc.com.)
Within the pages I found the following:
Time may be an excellent healer, but as a beautician, it's not so hot.
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Old age is when you go from looking good to looking well.
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You know you're getting old when you can't get your motor started-but you have a lot of gas in the system.
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Two old men watched a third walk past with a beautiful woman on his arm. "He has a penchant for women," said the first. "I wish I worked for his company," said the second.
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When you're older, your favorite "naughty movie" is "Debbie Does Dialysis."
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The young woman approached the old man at a party and asked, "Why are you undressing me with your eyes?" He replied, "Because I have arthritis in my hands."
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In childhood, we make faces in the mirror. In old age, the mirror gets even.
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Addressing his elderly patient, the doctor said, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is, you have Alzheimer's. The good news is, you can go home and forget about it."
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Two old friends who hadn't seen each other in awhile meet. "I truly apologize," says the first, "but I can't remember your name." The second responds, "How soon do you have to know?"
I know, I know. Humor is subjective. I don't know if any of these brought a smile or even a groan. But I can tell you that, at least for those few moments that I thumbed through Ron's books, I forgot about all the world's troubles and remembered what it meant to live in the moment.
There's an old saying, "If you are not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." Problem is, we Americans are losing many of the attributes that made our country great in the first place and one of the most important is our sense of humor. So, in an effort to become part of the solution, I have invited Ron to once again feature his humor column, In Stitches, in the pages of Western Pennsylvania Hospital News. (Long time readers will remember that Ron's popular column appeared in Hospital News in the past.)
Thus, beginning next month, "In Stitches" will offer a little island of humor in a turbulent sea of worry and strife. It's our way of sending you a little tickle. We hope you enjoy it.
(An aside to my sister: Susan-you were right. I'll try to keep my morose side a little more in check. Although I do reserve the right to let it out when the situation warrants it! )
Harvey Kart
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